Day 5 -- Gotcha Day!!

First of all, I'm sorry it took so long to post, but these past two days have been crazy and heart wrenching as I'm sure you can imagine.  So our local guide, Belinda and the van driver picked us up at 2:30 pm and we headed to the China Welfare Lottery building to meet Caitlin!  By this point the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy!  Now our agency had warned us that this moment would not be like that of a fairy tale where our daughter would come running to us with open arms calling "Mommy", "Daddy"!  After all, we have been waiting and anticipating this moment for over 2-1/2 years now, but she doesn't have a clue as to what's about to happen!

The gang in the China Welfare Lottery building on our way to meet Caitlin!!  (She's only 4 floors up!!)

We are taken up to Reception Room 1 on the fourth floor to wait for Caitlin to be brought to us. We have given each person their assignments - Fred's on video, Mom and Chloette are on cameras and Dad is in charge of helping out with Zachary.  We're ready, now bring her to us already!!  As we wait, we watch as the different orphanage nannies and directors bring child after child in to be adopted.  We must have seen at least 15-20 children (ages 9 months to 4 or 5) herded down the hallway, and I could not help but tear up.  These children are going to have the world they know turned upside down within a matter of minutes.  I know they will all have loving and caring families but that doesn't make it easier as I watch them go by.

Caitlin is the first child to be brought into our room!  As we are watching out the door, I see Belinda walk in followed by two nannies from the orphanage.  One has to match our travel approval letter with her records and the other has Caitlin in her arms!!  She is dressed in a blue and white snow suit of sorts - she reminds us of Ralphie's brother on the Christmas Story with her arms sticking out to the side - unable to move them.  The nanny places Caitlin in my arms and my heart melts - our family is now complete!  She begins to cry immediately, trying to push herself out of my arms.  Who are these strangers?  After a few minutes, Noah holds her but still she continues to cry.

Caitlin in Daddy's arms for the first time.

As you can see from this photo, Zachary is so excited to finally meet his mei mei (little sister) and tries to make her smile.  He's going to be an amazing big brother!

After a few minutes, we are moved across the hall into the Ceremonial Room to bond with our children.  It is here that Belinda speaks with the nanny from Caitlin's orphanage and told to us that Caitlin was removed from her foster family THIS MORNING and brought here on a 2 1/2 hour train ride to meet us.  I can't believe they did that to her!!!  It's horrible!!  We were told that they normally remove the child from the foster family 1-2 weeks prior to the adoptive parent's arrival, easing the transition period.  Caitlin had lived with this foster family since March 3, 2008 - a whole year, so obviously that's all she knew and there was a strong bond between them.  Belinda also tells us that Shi Lan (pronounced Shu Lan- her given Chinese name) likes to be outside and suggests that we take her out to the garden to try and soothe her.

Caitlin and Daddy heading out to the garden to walk around.  The panda that she is holding was in the care package we sent to her for her birthday.   The photo album we sent to her so she could start recognizing members of our family was returned with and additional two photos.  They were of Caitlin by herself smiling and one of her with her foster family.

Our family walking through the garden trying to calm Caitlin down.  Unfortunately nothing is comforting to her, she continues to call out for her "mama".

After many laps up and down the hallway, Caitlin finally crashes and Zachary takes this opportunity to give Caitlin a hug from her ge ge (big brother).  Zachary has tried so many times today to give her a big hug but she just screams and pushes him away.  He just wants to show her that he loves her!

Our adoption agency also prepared us for the fact that it is normal for a child to bond more quickly with one parent than the other.  In time she will open up and bond with the second parent.  Honestly, I thought I would be crushed if that initial bond was not with me, after all, I am her mommy.  But after seeing how upset she was those feelings went out the window. Noah is an amazing father, and Caitlin responded to his gentle soothing ways and I was truly happy they were beginning to bond.  She is definitely Daddy's Little Girl!  :)

Whenever she sees/hears a Chinese man or woman she screams out "Mama" as if she is trying to find her.  This cry breaks my heart, to think we have caused her any pain.  I know in my heart that we will give her the best life we possibly can and that her foster family was never going to adopt her, but just seeing the pain and hearing her desperate cries makes me sad.  She does not like being inside our room because she can not search for her mama in here, so we are constantly walking the halls trying to calm her down and show her that her mama isn't out there but "wu shi mama" (I'm your mama) or "Je shi mama" (she's your mama).  Hearing this only sets her off screaming again.  

Zachary is having an especially hard time with everything.  He has come to me feeling sad or I have found him crying on the bed several times today.  He keeps wondering "Why doesn't Caitlin's mommy want her?" and asking "Why can't she just see her mama once more?  She keeps calling out to her."  I hold him tight and try to hold back the tears as I try to be as honest and explain the best I can.  He had seen a photo of her foster family in the photo album and wonders why they don't keep her.  Such a difficult concept to grasp, even for me.

It's bedtime and Noah is out in the hall doing laps, when she makes it clear that she wants to see what's inside that door.  (Nana  & Granpa's room).  So Noah and Caitlin wander in and check out what's out side etc. while the rest of us all gather in the hall to watch through the doorway.  Nana smiles and waves to Caitlin and out of nowhere she shows us a huge smile!!  It's the most beautiful site I've seen here in China!!!  So everyone begins to wave and smile and she continues to flash those pearly whites at us!  But soon the moment passes and she is crying again.  Noah is able to calm her back down, give her a bottle and get her to fall asleep on Nana's bed.  Noah stays with her all night while I stay with Zachary and comfort him. 

I have faith that things will continue to get better each day.  We love you Caitlin!!